all made up with nowhere to go

Work is extremely Not Great at the moment, as I have mentioned previously. TL;DR version is that I ended up doing almost thirty two hours last week (WAY over my contracted hours) - and I've just done four days in a row, and they were all long shifts, and by close yesterday, I was so tired I swear I could have fallen asleep standing up.

I also know I was a bit asshole-ish with a couple of people, because the more exhausted I get, the less I care to maintain my filters, so people get shitty me. But I am aware I do it, so maybe (especially in this job?) I maintain them a little bit more than I have done previously? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(though I did still want to punch the guy who said I was doing a great job in spite of the situation and although I'm sure he wasn't being patronising, I sure as heck felt like I was being patronised).

Anyway, I was already exhausted before all the *gestures at the situation* kicked off, and now I am more so. YAY. And I'm very sore, which sort of proves to me that at least some of my pain is a stress response, so I need to mention that to the doctor, when I eventually get an appointment.

~

In other news, I went to Burnley last week on one of my days off just for a "getting t f out of the house" trip, and ended up buying a bunch of stuff I didn't need (hands up who is surprised). And some stuff I did, like I finally got a rack and two small baking tins for my air fryer, so hopefully that will encourage me to use it a bit more, idk.

I also bought a scrapbook to use as a sketchbook, which is a terrible idea, but it is 30x30cm, and I sort of fancied a sketchbook in that size, so I'm going to see how annoying I find it without forking out as much money as it would have cost me. (Also I really like square sketchbooks? I don't know why but I do. And I have used books in the past that are not intended to be sketchbooks, so this is not a new turn of events).

And I went in CEX and bought Pillars of Eternity II and Stranger of Paradise. I picked that over FFVII Remake because, while I would rather play FFVII, I don't have a PS5 so I can play the rest of the parts. Stranger of Paradise is at least a standalone. I don't know how much it will make me want to punch myself in the face, but I am willing to give it a go.

Pillars of Eternity I know nothing about, apart from some of the soundtrack from the first game was used in Critical Role, and that's it.

I don't know when I will get to playing either game, as it's been ages since I wanted to switch on the PS4, and I just don't feel like I've had the energy to play games lately (for reasons stated above). But they'll still be there when I want them, though.

~

I don't think I've got anything else for the moment, and I've got counselling soon, so I shall end this entry here for now!

# For the second week running, the son of one of the regulars at work has tried to convince me to play Baldur's Gate 3.

He does not seem to realise he is fighting a losing battle*, but he is in his late teens/early twenties at best. I remember being that age and thinking everything I liked was hot shit and everyone else was wrong. He will learn (I hope; he does seem like a decent lad, so fingers crossed).

I also got into linguistic wrangling with another regular about whether being vegetarian means you can't eat fish (he seems to think it does, and maybe I shouldn't have said pescetarian to him because I don't know as he knew what I meant. Not because I think he's an idiot, but how often does anyone use that word?)


*I have no desire to play BG3 at all, let alone have anything capable of running it even if I did want to.

# A couple of weeks ago, I bought Jazz what I think is the best toy ever. As in she immediately played with it and hasn't stopped since (her radiator bed remains untouched).

Aldi were selling smooth wooden balls, so I got her one and she loves it! Although it does keep getting stuck in random places (so I have to fish it out), and it makes a loud SMACK! sound when it hits the living room door or the fireplace, as it is a solid piece of pine wood, but I'll deal with that because of how pleased I am that she'll play with it at all.

Best £2 I ever spent :D

(Talking of Jazz - I don't know if I mentioned the new bed I built? The last one was a divan, but the new one has space underneath it, and she likes it sit under there and tell me where she is. Also this one is closer to the floor, so it's easier for her to jump up on as well).

# itch.io has a bundle of 467 TTRPGs for just $5 (/£4.05 at the time of writing) in support of trans people in Ohio - I would not have found out about it but that a friend on fb posted about it, so I am passing this knowledge onto you, also.

I've always wanted to buy one of these bundles, but either not known about them, or not had the spare money. And now I do, and five bucks in nothing for all those games. (You also have the option of paying more if you want to).

(...and now I'm thinking about writing RPGs again...Although that's a vague lie - I was thinking about one I started but I have not finished just yesterday, before I even saw my friend's post).

# That's all I've got for now, I think.

List post, because:

1. These are NOT New Year's Resolutions, but I'd like to do more printing and collaging this year. I enjoy both things enormously, and I'd like to improve my skills in both areas.

To this end, I have already cut two lino prints, but haven't printed them yet, because apparently my brain is in a "let's do fifty things at once!" mode. (My desk is an organised mess right now because of this, heh).

2a. I've been reading so much about junk journalling/watching videos that last night, at some point, I dreamt about saving envelopes to use for something along those lines.

(I do not need to save envelopes; I have an almost hilarious amount of them from my mother, who loved to write letters and send cards to people. That said, I have been eyeing the cardboard boxes I've been putting in the recycling, and wondering what sort of weird shaped books I could make from them).

I am not into junk journalling, except from the book binding and making collages POV. I get it in principle, but I don't think it's for me, unless I make them to sell. Which I totally could! Anyway, I have enough notebooks to use as journals already, and let's not get started on the sketchbook backlog (it is REAL).

2b. I also had the stress dream where I am Claire Redfield and Mr X is chasing me, so that's nice! [/sarcasm] Sometimes it's Jill and Nemesis, but my brain switched to Claire because reasons, I guess? I mean, I had been thinking about RE2 during the day, but only as a fleeting thought. Not enough, I would've thought, for my subconscious to pick it up.

3. Approximately half of my Xmas presents have arrived! I think they tried to deliver my gel plate yesterday while I was at work, so I've had to ask for re-delivery tomorrow. It's either that or the other book I bought.

I want to post pics, but I'm waiting till they all are here first before I do that.

4. Still playing FFXIII, when I am not put off by how loud the fan on the PS3 is. Although that may be down to the vents needing a good clean, as was pointed out to me by someone I chat to on the bus sometimes. So eventually I might remember to do that!

Anyway, everyone except for Sazh and Vanille are in Palumpolum, and for the most part playing this seems really easy? I suppose it's because I'm used to the battle system now (having technically played it to Chapter 11 at least four times), and I know which job suits which person best, so I stack their CP in there first. Although I still find it frustrating that the game assigns a person one of their worst jobs (looking at you, Medic!Lightning and Commando!Sazh) and expects you to be okay with that. But I guess it's teaching you how to use that to your advantage, maybe?

I dunno, I just can't wait till everyone gets together and has access to all six jobs.

5. I thought I had more to say, but I've been sat here, staring blankly at the screen for half an hour, so I'm guessing not!